his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
