Whatcha textin bout Willis?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
