i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
