If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
false alarm. still invincible.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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