The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
