I heard we made out
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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