Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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