You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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