oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
