worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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