i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
