you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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