So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
