I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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