just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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