oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
