She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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