I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
