my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
