Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
