i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
