I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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