You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
