I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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