There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
