In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
