Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
