i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize
