The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
