ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
