...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
