i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
