He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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