you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
