so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
