Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
