I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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