I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
