im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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