from now on my penis is your penis
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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