Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
