i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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