You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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