If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
