Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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