This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
