Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
