Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
