We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
