I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
