Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
